Writing my last blog entry, and reminiscing about the Catcher in the Rye reminded me of my attempt to capture my own teenage angst and restlessness, quite amusing in hindsight. Here's from times of care-free free music download, anti-fit jeans, countless vada pavs, endless hours of Basketball and 'just-chilling' by the sea-side...
IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE…
Encircled by obsession
Of “I, me, myself”…
Don’t know where I am heading
Why want to know myself?
Have it all…?
Yet discontent I feel…
Nothing, anymore,
Seems to appeal…
On a lone trail
To vanquish the “evil”
Within me,
But “why the “solitude”?”,
I fail to see…
Lone crusaders
Is that what we are?
Just like pawns
On the chessboard,
Near yet far…
Queries, confusion,
Answers but no solutions …
Amid a mist of
Riddles and illusions …
Wishes, dreams, desires,
Hatred, rage, fire,
Sting, contort, burn me,
No apparent reason there be…
Vendetta I wish to wreak,
My insanity is what speaks.
No reasons to be scorned,
Elusive bliss pierces like thorns…
A shrieking silence
Ripping me apart,
My mind deludes
But hear it in my heart…
Existential puzzle
Tortures my soul,
Not “WHO” but “WHY” am I?
Leaves me all sore…
In me, in you,
Within us all,
Fear to admit
The vicious reality,
Plunging, headfirst,
Towards my downfall…
Chained to shackles
Of hallucinations,
Under pretense of control,
Burying the hard truth
Trampling it under the sole…
“Truth”- or a convenience?
What is it? Why matters?
Hidden by lies
And muddy splatters…
Twisted and harsh,
No strings attached,
Conquest for it,
Supposedly unmatched.
Virtuous or vile?
A compulsive yardstick,
Ram raiding the world,
Just a bagful of tricks,
In the middle of nowhere,
Bewildered and mute,
I try to find me,
In an attempt to suit
The enigma that envelops me
Is it really me or
All I can see?
Want to pour out
This heart to someone,
But that’s what I shun
When coming and
Going alone
Why need that “someone”
To burden up with
My solitary moan?
Going round in circles,
In search of what?
I have no clue…
A feeling of doom
In shades of blue,
Age and era
May bear the blame,
An unreal realm of
Ineptness is the name…
Impermanence, passing phase
Perhaps just neuroticism
A seeming ceaseless darkness
No flicker of light
No spectrum from a prism
Like grains of dry sand
My-so-called life,
Slips away from my grasp
Leaving behind an empty hand…
An ambiguity captures
My mind…
Just want my freedom
From this uncertainty
Leaving all these doldrums behind…
Away from the darkness
Away from the muted screams
With eternal unbounded wings
Fly away to an eternity of WHITE DREAMS……
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